We went to the hospital around 9:00 on Tuesday night and definitely dragged our feet. Jess was a little scared about being induced and had to deal with that during the day. We also hadn’t slept at all because the doc said Jess should be able to sleep that night at the hospital. So surprise #1 was getting settled in and being told that during the day Dr. Goldman had apparently changed her mind and decided to give Jess an accelerated drip of Pitocin = no sleep that night. The good news (we thought) was that the baby should arrive by early Wednesday morning. The next unpleasant surprise was that Jess would basically be bedridden and had to stay permanently hooked to a blood pressure cuff which would automatically take her BP every 15 minutes. There went most of Jess’ plans to help get through labor – sitting in the jacuzzi tub, walking the halls, frequently changing positions, etc. And I wouldn’t fully realize it until later, but there went my opportunity to “coach” and be somewhat involved. Throughout all of our birthing classes and reading materials, everything talks about the dad being a coach and helping mom through it. But once Jess was basically tied to the bed, most of that went out the window. (Did I mention yet that Jess was NOT a big fan of the breathing exercises we’re supposed to do? She felt they were a waste of time and that she’d find her own way of breathing through contractions. So we didn’t bother learning the breathing exercises together.)
Around midnight, there wasn’t much progress and Jess was trying to get a little sleep. She encouraged me to go ahead and take a nap until she got farther into labor. I drifted into sleep – I woke up periodically to the nurse checking in but would fall back asleep. When I woke up for real it was 6:30 in the morning and Jess still hadn’t progressed much. She said the contractions hadn’t gotten painful yet. Just before 7, the doc came and broke her water. She was 2-3 cm. dilated and 70% effaced at this point, but we assumed that now things would start to pick up, and the nurse gave her guess that the baby should be born in between 5 and 7 that evening.
Her contractions did progress throughout the day and around noon started getting pretty heavy. By 3:00 they were much worse and Jess started to consider something for the pain. She was starving and sleep deprived and was having a really hard time. Even though I can’t relate to labor, that was something we can all relate to. Any time you have a big physical ordeal, two of the biggest things that can help give you a second wind are food and sleep. In this case, one wasn’t allowed (food) and one was impossible (sleep). It also didn’t help that at each shift change the new nurse was less empathetic than the previous, and the one at this point was the least helpful. Jess really broke down a few times here and this was when I really felt helpless and useless. I couldn’t do many of the coaching things that I had learned and Jess didn’t really want any of the things I could have done – putting pressure against her back, wet cloths on her face, massaging, etc. At this point, she said that she could handle the pain but it was not knowing how much longer that was killing her and she didn’t know if she had energy to handle several more hours. Once again, there was nothing for me to do.
Finally Jess decided to have her dilation checked so she knew how far she was – she was VERY afraid that she couldn’t deal with the answer if she hadn’t dilated much, but I pointed out that if she forced herself to go through 2 more hours and then found out that she hadn’t progressed, it would be even worse. (If it’s bad news, don’t wait …)
When she was checked, her fears were realized – only 4-5 cm. dilated and 70% effaced after all that time and Pitocin. In retrospect, it’s obvious that Jess somehow knew inside that she hadn’t progressed and that’s why she was scared to check. But now she knew for sure, and after a lot of tears and thinking, decided to get the epidural. She needed rest more than anything and that’s the only thing that could help. My only real contribution came at these times because I asked a lot of questions about everything and tried hard to remember everything that happened – Jess was a little out of it and couldn’t do that.
The epidural was a huge step for Jess because she has a real problem with getting a needle in her back – and I didn’t realize how hard it was for her until the epidural was going in. She was absolutely miserable and said it was worse than any contraction. But she got through it and it was for the best – she immediately relaxed and knew she’d get through everything OK. But the good part didn’t last because at 5:00 she was still only 4-5 cm. dilated. I think a cesarean was starting to enter both of our minds, but we didn’t say it yet. At 7:00 the doc came and Jess was 5-6 cm. dilated and mostly effaced, but only 1 cm. of progress in 4 hours. They could also tell that the baby was looking up, which needed to change. Dr. Goldman finally brought up the C word and said it was a good possibility. She increased the Pitocin dosage one more time and said she’d give things one more hour to change.
Now we prayed. I didn’t want a c-section any more than Jess did, but maybe for different reasons. Jess’ biggest concerns were wanting to see the birth, to hold our baby immediately, and that she just wanted the natural childbirth experience. I understood that, but my biggest concern was that this is a major surgery, and all major surgeries have some degree of risk. I hadn’t wanted to imagine her going through that, or even to consider the risky aspect. So we prayed about it, hoping that natural birth would work out but preparing for the opposite. I also prayed for Jess to be at peace – she’d mentioned that a c-section wouldn’t be as satisfying for her and that she might not even feel like she really “gave birth”. So I wanted that to be taken from her mind.
At 8:30 the doctor came back – Jess was unchanged – so a c-section became official. Jess had to sign the paperwork that comes with every surgery – “it’s not the hospital’s fault if you die”. That made it so much more freaky for me – I knew it’s the same papers we sign for any surgery (getting wisdom teeth pulled), but the whole situation just made it more scary. Jess was very distraught – she asked me not to call anyone to tell them what was going on. I tried to comfort and reassure her, especially to get rid of her thought that it might be her fault - she didn’t do anything to cause a c-section.
They gave me scrubs to change into (and a hairnet and facemask) and began prepping Jess for surgery. The epidural now was a godsend because they could use that as the anesthetic for the surgery. Too soon, they took Jess away – and left me behind, saying they’d come get me in 5 minutes after the anesthesiologist got her ready. After 10 minutes, I was starting to feel uneasy and around 15 minutes I was a little panicked. I finally asked a nurse if the delay was normal and she said it was because the anesthesiologist was late getting there – that was a little reassuring. Just after that, they came and took me to her.
I sat by her head behind the curtain so neither of us could see what they did. All I could do was hold her hand (her arms were strapped down, more freakiness), stroke her head, and talk with her. So I was still only there – I just wanted to help her somehow in a way that felt real or tangible – but I couldn’t. Jess seemed very shaky and she could feel them inside of her even though it wasn’t pain. She would tell me when they were pulling or tugging and knew when they were finally about to pull him/her out. Then we heard “It’s a boy!” and he cried right away! I saw them carry him to the warmer and it was very surreal. He was still covered in blood and fluids and I couldn’t believe that was our son, right there. (In the background, I heard them say “time of birth – 9:17 p.m.) I tried to move so Jess could see him but she couldn’t get a very good view. I went over and lightly stroked his head, but wasn’t sure if I was supposed to touch him while they were working on him. Finally they brought him to Jess so she could look at him, but that was it – now they were taking him to the nursery to be examined and make sure he was all good. This was the decision time – we both wanted to be with him right away, but I didn’t want to leave Jess alone to get sewed up. I asked and they told me that once I left the operating room I couldn’t go back in, so would have to wait until she got back to our room. She decided for me - go with him – so I did but it was hard and I felt horrible. I just felt that someone should be with her until everything was over and I didn’t do that ...
But I did get to be with our unnamed baby boy for the first hour of his life! Right away I saw how beautiful he was – not all newborns look cute, but ours does! In the nursery, I finally made sure that I could touch him even though he was still being checked up, so I just stroked his head and held his hand while they worked. I got to feel the vernix caseosa which was still all over his skin – it’s a lot like very thick lotion, maybe Crisco is the best comparison. He was weighed (7 lb 2.8 oz), measured (19 in.), got his temperature taken. Then they did footprints and I remembered to get his baby book and put them there as well. After that I finally got to hold him and just walked around the nursery with him for a while – I don’t know how long. I gave him my pinkie and discovered that his sucking reflex was great even though he hadn’t been able to nurse yet. In a little while, they wanted to give him his first bath – so I watched that and took notes (in my head). Then they thought he needed to go back under the warmer for a while, so I was back to watching him.
Jess was finally back in the room so I could check on her. She was very groggy and said that the “fixing her up” after he was born was worse than the birth - and she was so tired. (Later on she told me more about her time after I left the operating room but not right away.) They had given her Demarol so she was very out of it. A few minutes later she was finally able to meet our baby, which was awesome to watch! She got so much happier, even after everything, and also attempted his first nursing. After only about 15 minutes they took him back to the warmer. Jess was OK with that, so I knew she was absolutely wiped out and just needed to sleep.
After all that, I finally called family to let them know the news – only grandparents, everyone else had to wait. And then I went back in to check on our son until they brought him back to the room – we both held him a little more (Jess woke up) and then let him go back to the nursery for the night. So ends June 7th – hey, it looks like I wrote more than Jess normally does – they always said I talk a lot (ask my family)!
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