As a few of you know, we rehomed Bear a few weeks ago. This was a very HARD decision for me—and I am still having problems with it today.
We got Bear at 6 months old. We adopted him from the Humane Society—something I will never do again. We were given 15 – 20 minutes to visit with him, and then 15 minutes to decide if we wanted him. If we didn’t adopt, there was a whole SLEW of people behind us waiting to meet him. Dogs 6 months and younger did not last long at the Humane Society at all—and we wanted a puppy to train.
When we first met Bear he was very sweet and mild. He just leaned against you for pettings. He was rated an “average” energy dog that was shy. We soon learned that he was quite the abused and confused dog. We spent months working with him just to take walks on the leash—he was petrified of parked cars and would turn around if he saw them. He had serious separation anxiety, so we crated him. All in all he was my perfect companion in Milwaukee especially when Rob stayed overnight in Madison several days a week. He also got me out of the house and venturing the neighborhood.
He LOVED the park we lived next to. There were ponds in it and I would take him to swim. There was no concern for him off-leash, he would always come when called.
Then Kylan came. Bear ignored him. Literally, the first few months he pretended Ky did not exist. He was still a good dog just a jealous one. We moved to Madison, Ky’s first winter, and things got much rougher. I didn’t walk Bear like I normally did. I couldn’t take Ky out in those frigid temps. Bear acted out a little as all dogs, but he was still a great dog. We trained him to go to the bathroom in one area of the yard—he did a great job overall—however occasionally he did stray from the area. (And our one neighbor was sure to inform us if he went inches into her yard.) But overall he was a great dog.
Then came Alaina, poor dog. Yeah, he got very little attention once Alaina came along. There was less time for petting, playing and walking. Granted I was VERY good about walking him when the weather was warmer, but this past winter I think I only walked him a handful of times. Turns out Bear was actually a high energy dog. He would run laps in the house. He was OVERLY excited when people would come over. In fact it came to the point where we just started putting him away when someone would come over because he just WOULD NOT calm down—and he would jump (and a 60lb lab is the last thing you want jumping on him.)
Anyway, the last year I could really tell that he love playing with Ky and Alaina (and he was very good with them) but at the same time he was getting annoyed with them. Ky would get some growls for pulling his tail. It was getting a little alarming. I know Bear would never bite out of viciousness, but at the same time I didn’t want Ky to continue to harass Bear and drive him to bite out of self defense or to just get Ky off his back.
This whole last year of having Bear I had been battling with the idea of rehoming Bear. Bear was my dog. Not Rob’s. Rob had little interest in him. Bear’s exercise and attention all relied on me—and with 2 kids and working part time, I just wasn’t finding anytime for him. I can’t find time for myself—how do I find time for him?!
So the final straw came a few weeks ago that cemented my plans to rehome Bear. I had just come back from a walk with the kids and Bear. Rob was home and I handed Bear’s leash off to him. Our neighbor girl (5 years old) comes running up to us from out of nowhere and Bear jumped up on her in excitement. We think he was going for a kiss or something, I am not sure, but he left marks on her. His teeth drug on her skin and she did bleed. It wasn’t a bite mark, but more like a scratch.
I am very blessed to have such wonderful neighbors who shrugged it off as no big deal, and “this should be a lesson to our daughter not to run up to people’s dogs!” But, I felt awful. What’s even worse was thinking about Ky’s friends and if their parents would have concerns with Bear being around (even if we kept him away). We had worked with him to try to calm him when people came over, but nothing we did seem to help. UGH!
So I put up my notice for Bear on the Humane Society’s Rehoming page as well as on Craigslist. This is what it said:
I am looking for a new companion(s) for my dog Bear. He is 5 years old. He is a black lab/water spaniel mix. He weighs 55 lb and is well trained. He has been trained to go to the bathroom in one area of the yard. He can sit, speak, lay down, stay, roll over, come, shake, hurry up (command to go potty), retrieve his toy (stick), and jump up. He does not get on furniture and has been trained to wait at the top or bottom of the stairs until you are up (we taught him that for the safety of our children on the stairs.) You could pretty easily teach him other commands as well—he will do anything for food. He walks well on a leash. He is neutered and up to date on all of his shots including Bordtella. Since he is mixed with water spaniel, he loves to swim and does well off leash. He also loves to play fetch. He is easy going and generally loves everyone.
He needs a home where he can get more attention and at LEAST a walk every day. I have had 2 kids in the last couple of years and he just doesn’t get enough attention anymore. Not to mention, I am not always able to walk him every day. He does well with kids, though I can tell he has been getting frustrated with mine lately—most likely jealousy. I would prefer he go to a home with no kids or older kids to ensure that he is more likely in a family where he will get exercise. He loves other dogs as well.
His bad behaviors are becoming very excited when people come over (jumping up, barking at the door). I am sure with the right owner who could spend time with him and teach him, this would be corrected. (Because I have young children and don’t want him jumping up when they are crawling on the floor, I have been removing him from the room.) Also, because he is a lab he can get mouthy when he gets excited (he may nibble or open his mouth). The best thing you can do for this is to always make sure he has a good chew toy so he is less likely to be that way. Also, when he gets proper exercise he is rarely mouthy.
He is currently on an eye medication that costs $10 every other month. He has an immune disorder and will need the medication for the rest of his life. It only affects one eye. It does not affect how he sees, or even appears to bother him –so this really isn’t a big deal—but I want to be up front about additional costs.
He is not an outside dog. He needs to live in a home with his owner. If you are an active person looking for a dog companion, please let me know. I am not happy about giving my dog away—but he needs a better living situation. I want to make sure he goes to the right home, so please don’t feel offended if I ask for references as well as some time to see how you and Bear get along. Thanks.
I have to say I was surprised by the number of responses we got and how quickly we got them. The first response I had was from a man named Rick. He and his fiancee were looking for a dog that they could take walking several times a day. They manage an apartment complex that is blocks away from the lake as well as a park with several ponds. The lady—Ellie—in particular was the one who was excited about Bear. She stays at home all day (to manage the complex) and really wanted a walking companion. I met Ellie several days later at the park that was just blocks from their place. I was very happy to discover this was an older couple (kids are grown). They had had several dogs before and had vast knowledge about them. (Rick was at one time married to a dog trainer.) Ellie had previously had a dog that looked similar to Bear and was really looking for a companion.
I met Ellie at a park several days later with Bear. Bear was very distracted by the pond there, but he did well and Ellie thought he was beautiful. She even got to watch him swim. We were unable to meet Rick because he was called out of town on business.
I really liked Ellie and asked her and Rick for some references. When I called, the references had nothing but good things to say about them both and their love of animals. I contacted Ellie once again and told her that I would like Rick to meet Bear and would like Bear to see her place. I was a bit concerned about Bear being in an apartment building and how he would take to all the smells & people. I was also a little concerned about how Ellie’s cats would do with Bear. (Bear loves cats, but it can be questionable if cats love him.) Several days later we were able to meet them. We walked to their apartment (from a nearby park.) It is a beautiful area with lots of parks and people (a very pet friendly area). Their apartment complex was 2 buildings with 4 -6 apartments in each. Next to the apartments was a giant greenspace (bigger than our backyard) that Bear would be able to run. In fact we let Bear off leash for a while and let him play fetch. He really enjoyed it. Their apartment was very nice and very accommodating for a dog his size. Ellie’s cats ran and hid, but that was expected. The visit was great and I could tell that Rick & Ellie were both taken by Bear. I also knew that he would be a great fit for the both of them. The visit was perfect UNTIL….
Ellie was walking Bear as we were heading back to the park when a neighbor of theirs came home. They were holding a little 10 lb dog named “Mitzy”. (Yeah, doesn’t the name say it all?) Well they put Mitzy down to meet Bear and Mitzy lunged at Bear. Bear yelped and stepped back and began barking at the dog. The neighbors quickly picked up Mitzy and made a comment like “She’s not good around other dogs.” And walked off. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that we noticed Bear’s ear was bleeding. Mitzy had bit his ear.
The bite was not bad we cleaned it up figuring for the best. Then Bear shook his head—blood splattered everywhere. All over me, Rob, Ky, Alaina—YUCK! In fact every time he shook his head he would make it bleed all over again. We ended up loading him into the van (and yes he shook in there too—blood all over the new van) and heading to the nearest Walgreen’s. We bought some liquid bandage—but even that was not strong enough for Bear’s shaking.
By then it was bedtime for the kids. We didn’t feel that going to the vet was warranted since it wasn’t bleeding a lot. Rob and I made one last attempt at cleaning his ear and putting corn starch on it. Then I put an old onesie (of Alaina’s) on his head and “Gated” him in his bed for the night. We were hoping that by keeping him laying down for 8 hours or so, the cut would clot enough to withstand his shakes.
The next morning we discovered that it was still bleeding. Rob stayed home from work while I took Bear (onesie and all) to the vet. The vet cleaned his ear up and discovered that it was slightly torn. She then used surgical glue to close it, then bandaged his ear, then bandaged his ears to his head (yes she put the bandage around his head), and then put a cone (or e-collar) around his neck. She said to keep the bandage on for a week and the e-collar on for 2 weeks.
At that point we had already decided on giving Bear to Ellie and Rick, however, with Bear being all bandaged and coned, the last thing I wanted to do was add to his trauma. I called Ellie and asked to do the exchange the following weekend. She happily agreed and asked to pay for his vet bill. This was very nice and reassuring. It was also reassuring to find out that Mitzy was given to someone else and would not be living in the complex with Bear.
Our last week with Bear was a sad yet humorous one. Bear ran into everything with that cone. Poor Alaina. She was the perfect cone height so she was often hit by his big cone head and fell down. He was only upset about the cone for the first day. Following that he seemed to pretty quickly adjust to having it on him. The bandage around his head did not last long at all. It kept falling over his eyes and then we had a blind cone-headed dog. I quickly took that off. The pic you see of him above was shortly before I took the cone off his head. You can see he wasn’t that ecstatic about it being there.
Saturday morning taking Bear to Ellie's was hard. You can probably tell from the pic above that I had been crying. We took Bear over late morning with all his stuff. Ellie & Rick were both excited to see their new companion. They made him a special name tag with their phone number and bought him some new toys. Silly Bear had no idea what was going on and was just excited to be out and about.
We left Bear and he noticed we were going without him as we pulled away. I can still see him pulling at his leash and yelping after us. *Heartbreaking*
I talked to Ellie later that afternoon and she said that her and Rick took Bear for multiple walks that day and he seemed to be doing fine. A week later I called again and she said that he seemed to be settled in. She said they would go for 2 -3 walks a day and he seemed to already know his way home. He was great with people walking through the building and was not whining or anything--he seemed to be comfortable with them and not depressed at all. This was quite a relief to me.
I had called and talk to the Humane Society before rehoming Bear. They told me that dogs live in the "now". While Bear might be sad that we left him, he will quickly readjust to his new family and forget any sad feelings towards what happened. (Makes me think I wish I could often live in the "NOW"--might be easier.) This was also reassuring when homing Bear.
Ellie has said that we may contact her whenever we like to see Bear--which I am really grateful for. I told her we would at least wait 1 month before we contact her because I want to make sure Bear gets settled in.
So how are our lives without Bear?
Quiet. It is really weird coming home to an empty house. No one is excited to see you. No one is running into the kids and wagging tails in their faces. It is funny how you really don't know how much you will miss a person until they are gone--and how much their normal everyday behaviors have become a part of your life. For example, every night I get into bed, Bear (within about 5 minutes of crawling into bed) will come and sniff at me just to make sure I am fine--and then will go lay down on his bed near me. He also loved to lick my feet (yeah--I know--gross...), but it was his way of showing me affection. He would also follow me where ever I went. He was my shadow or almost like a visible guardian angel. I would clean one room and then go to the next--and he would follow me. I didn't realize how comforting it was just to have him in the same room as me--until he was gone.
Selfishly, I also really miss his cleaning up after the kids--while he left a lot of hair on the carpet--he would clean up all the food Alaina threw or Kylan dropped. Now I find myself manually picking it up after each meal--missing him. Another thing--what do I do with left overs, or the scraps of food on the kids plates? I am throwing it away now--and that makes me feel guilty (Yeah--I am one of those people who hates throwing food away.) Bear always got the scraps. He was like the last piece in our family puzzle.
I have to say most surprisingly--Ky and Alaina have adjusted very quickly to not having Bear with us. I had a lot of talks with Ky before we rehomed Bear. He met Ellie and formed an instant bond with her (he drew her pictures and everything.) And when the day came to give Bear to Ellie, he was just fine with it. He hugged Bear and then marched to the van to leave. I think this surprised me the most since I expected to be dealing with Ky's emotions and instead I ended up dealing with my own.
I was quite the mess the first week without Bear--often crying, and quite frankly withdrawn. I am doing much better now. I KNOW that I made the best decision for him, and it would have been selfish for me to keep him. I do hope to visit him this summer and occasionally in years to come (Ellie & Rick welcome our visits.) I know that my visits will only validate my decision. Bear was a WONDERFUL dog, that I could not appreciate due to the busyness of little ones. I know his new owners see his beautiful heart and love him more than I was able. I am glad that I was strong enough to see this and let him go. It is true what they say--If you really love something (someone) you have to be able to let them go.
Bear--here's to your new life full of walks, pettings, love, attention, swims, and boat rides (did I mention they own a boat--Bear is going to LOVE that!). May your second family be all that you ever dreamed of and more. I love you!
